\"Well knock me down and steal muh teeth!\"
\"Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit.\"
\"I\'ll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outta style.\"
\"This\'ll jar your preserves.\"
\"Cute as a sack full of puppies.\"
\"If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it.\"
\"Gooder than grits.\"
\"It\'s so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs.\"
\"It\'s been hotter\'n a goat\'s butt in a pepper patch.\"
\"Wintery roads are said to be \"slicker than otter snot.\"
\"A bothersome person is \"like a booger that you can\'t thump off.\"
\"When something is bad then you say, \"that ain\'t no count.\"
\"If something is hard to do, it\'s \"like trying to herd cats.\"
\"A hectic schedule keeps you \"Busier than a cat covering doo-doo on a marble floor.\"
\"She\'s uglier than homemade soap.\"
\"Your momma\'s so fat, when she got on the scales to be weighed, it said \'To be continued\'.\"
\"He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.\"
\"Uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits.\"
\"The wheels still turning, but the hamsters dead\"
\"I\'m just about as welcome at my inlaws as a hair in a biscuit.\"
Medical Terms
Benign..................What you be after you be eight.
Bacteria........................Back door to cafeteria.
Barium...............What doctors do when patients die.
Cesarean Section..........A neighborhood in Rome.
Catscan........................Searching for Kitty.
Cauterize................Made eye contact with her.
Colic............................A sheep dog.
Coma...........................A punctuation mark.
D&C............................Where Washington is.
Dilate...........................To live long.
Enema..........................Not a friend.
Fester...................Quicker than someone else.
Fibula...........................A small lie.
G.I.Series..............World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail..............What you hang your coat on.
Impotent......................Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain...................Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff................A Doctor\'s cane.
Morbid........................A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates.......................Cheaper than day rates.
Node...........................I knew it.
Outpatient...................A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear...................A fatherhood test.
Pelvis...........................Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative.............A letter carrier.
Recovery Room...........Place to do upholstery.
Rectum.......................Damn near killed him.
Secretion.....................Hiding something.
Seizure........................Roman emperor.
Tablet.........................A small table.
Terminal Illness...........Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor........................More than one.
Urine..........................Opposite of mine.
Varicose......................Near by/close by